Changes & Love (of the canine variety)
It feels like, in this last week, several things have simply come to a head. I've been feeling some low level anxiety around what I'm doing with my life?!?! To the tune of... maybe I should move to a beach in Thailand and spend a few months "figuring it out"?
I'm so grateful when that phrase comes up for me -- "figure it out" -- because it is flashing neon sign that it's time to disengage my lizard brain and feel into my anxiety.
After all, we never get it "all figured out" and we never have the type of certainty or security that our lizard brain desires. Have a week in savings? You'll think, if only I could have a month. Have a month, you want a year... have money for life, you'll worry a tiger might eat you.
"Figuring it out" is not the real goal.
And while, I wish I could have gone from the point of low grade panic straight into the perfect lotus position where I was gifted an epiphany that... "figured it all out" for me -- that's not how life works.
Rather, over the last week or so, 3 things rang wildly, deeply true for me:
- What Does It Mean to Love My Dog?
It was pretty nasty on Thursday. Rainy. Cold. The kind of weather I haven't quite adjusted to yet.I had just come home from my co-working space (Hatch, love it!) and was petting & playing with Kaiya.
While coo-ing, and telling her how much I love her, I was also justifying to myself that I didn't have to go to the park that day. After all, it was gross out. And I was petting her. And she's not destructive, so nothing bad happens if we skip the park. Not to mention, I love her sooo much!
Suddenly, I caught myself -- we hadn't been to the park in FOUR days!So, what does it MEAN to love the dog?
Kibble, words, and affection, absolutely. But isn't it also about translating my love into currency SHE values? Shouldn't it also be about helping HER create her best life?
While I'm not quitting life and becoming a park hobo (that might Kaiya's dream life)... I decided if I'm going to keep cooing and telling her I love her, its time for me to step up and own that.
I doled out some tough love... from myself, for myself.
- Devotion is a Sexxxxxy Word
Alexandra Franzen is a dear friend who has been writing about devotion lately. (And, she always has.)
I like the word devotion because it takes the fear out of consistency.
Ugh. Consistent. Stable. Predictable. I'm squirming in my seat at the mere thought of it. I rebel against it's conformity.
But devotion -- an unrelenting and uncompromising dedication to love? Now that's something this girl can get behind.
- A Lesson in the Value of Practice
One of my favorite food bloggers -- Heidi Swanson over at 101 Cookbooks -- just wrote a post about her blog, as her practice.
Blew my mind.
It's funny. I've always thought about blogs as a mean to an end. Not really on purpose, but rather that all of the goals I had previously imagined for my blogs had been external.
Heidi turned this on it's head and that is a huge lesson -- and a huge inspiration for me.
And with all of this swirling in my mind, I know that it is time to step up to my love of ideas & problem solving & strategy and rekindle my devotion in the form of a practice. For myself, by myself and unattached from external goals. Anything that happens will be gravy.
I hope you join in and enjoy the ride. But if not, that's cool too.
Cheers & Devotion, Rebecca