With limited resources comes choices. You have $1,500 to spend on yoga this year, do you go to the amazing and life changing week long retreat... OR do you get an unlimited yoga pass and go everyday?
You have 3 weeks of vacation, do you take 3-day weekends all summer... or blow it all in a 2 week fun fest?
Do you optimize your life around building the highest quality normal day... or around intensifying you peak experiences?
I have a big list of ideas for blog posts. Honestly, I rarely use it, although I have written about several things on my list (like creativity worthy of remark, types of motivation and comfort vs surprise).
There are two reasons why I have it. One is about today. One is about tomorrow.
Today, I want to feel like the energy, excitement and ideas that I imagine have a purpose. I want to feel like I am taking steps in the right direction and that I am getting traction.
Tomorrow, or more accurately, on the day that I have no energy, motivation or great ideas, I want to set myself up for success. I want to know that, even on a bad day... or a tough week, I have done the upfront work that will enable me to overcome and endure. Preferably with a smile.
Lists of ideas do both.
They capture today, inspire tomorrow and enable success when the going gets tough.
I also have a big list of ideas for work, for fun & treats, for learning and for growth.
Our culture chases happiness. We place a high value on the burst of chemicals in our brain that say "Yay! Happiness!"
We also place a high value on the things that we think will boost happiness. I got a pony (a raise, a haircut, a motorcycle)! Yay! Happiness.
But happiness is fleeting. Euphoria, even more so.
Satisfaction, happiness's much less sexy cousin, is the one staying power.
But the pursuit of satisfaction often flies directly in the face of happiness.
Long term satisfaction thrives under conditions that do not support moment-to-moment happiness. It requires a lot of yourself, including swimming against the current (laziness, momentary happiness, society at large) when it is in your best interest.
It requires change, discomfort and effort: all happiness no no's.
The highest form of satisfaction looks back on growth, reflecting on how far you've come... and what you were able to accomplish that never would have been possible with your earlier self.
Satisfaction stems from pride & respect for your actions, your goals and yourself.
If you're seeking long-term satisfaction, those are the things you should be optimizing.
I am a huge fan of the 80/20 rule. I believe that by ruthlessly focusing on the 20%, you can see sweeping improvements with minimal invasiveness. Note, I didn't say minimal effort.
You see, changing the 20% often requires a LOT of effort -- but it's effort applied with precision.
Change the 20% of meals that you eat 80% of the time... and you don't have to fuss or think so much about your occasional meal out.
Change the 20% of your work that really matters, you'll reap disproportionate rewards (hint - responding to emails and attending meetings are NOT that 20%).
Change your go-to stress reliever, the one you use most of the time, you can completely transform your health.
Identify your lowest hanging fruit 20% and the 20% with the biggest potential to impact your life in a positive way.
Those 2 changes alone will transform your life.
My friend Ryan recently wrote out his 10 point creed for life -- inspired by his desire to share his values with his young daughter. My favorite of his 10 was the first, which includes the tenant to "Always bet on yourself."
This is a goal that I strive to live up to... but often feel that I fall short of. It's not that I don't bet on myself -- I do -- but, rather that I find it difficult to measure if I am being aggressive enough in my betting.
I always seem to wonder -- what if I REALLY bet on myself? What if I went all in? Sink or swim?
I'm not sure that is my actual goal... but given the discord, I thought deeply about what I think it means to bet on yourself.
As someone who is exceedingly flexible about just about everything, people are often shocked by the number of commitments that I have for myself (nearly) everyday. For me, doing something (nearly) everyday is so much easier than doing something on specific days.
For me I think that it comes down to three things:
But, as you'll note, I'm very careful to say NEARLY everyday. Otherwise, one missed day could derail all of the success in my mind. And one missed day is never, ever worth that.
Nearly gives me that bit of breathing room and the gumption to jump back up after a little stumble.
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To read more about this topic, check out my dear friend Nicky's post on 7 Reasons that He Does it Everyday and Gretchen Rubin's split of personalities into moderators and abstainers. Doing it everyday is the epitome of an abstainer... in reverse. :)
Which motivates you? I should go to the gym. I want to go to the gym.
It FEELS like there should be a "right" answer. In fact, it "feels" like want to is the right answer. But it isn't... and, more so, there isn't a right answer at all.
There's only a right answer for you. And it will vary from situation to situation.
The trick is not to get your wires crossed -- be clear with yourself about when to motivate with a want... and when with a should. Don't let them flip.
I won't wait until I want to do my taxes (it will never happen). I do them because I should.
For writing projects -- for me -- when they turn into shoulds, no matter how much I love them, I know I'm in trouble. Writing is a want for me.
What are your wants? Your shoulds? Is there a shortcut to see which is which?
And, yes, you can turn almost any should into a want (I do my taxes because I want to avoid penalties) -- but the question is which motivates you -- which provokes action? And, for me, the want of avoiding penalties... well, that's not really why I do my taxes. I do them because I should.
I used to barely be able to feed myself. If I bought food, much of it would be thrown away, so I rarely shopped and knew almost no basic recipes... I ate almost every meal out.
Now, I have a weekly meal calendar that I plan out in advance and make a grocery list off of. We tend to make something in a big, huge batch (like shredded chicken) and then improvise off of that core all week -- enchiladas, stuffed peppers, SW Salad, etc. Most things require recipes.
We rarely improvise and never, ever shop without a detailed list.
My mother has the most amazing ability to improv wonderful meals at a moments notice. 6 people coming over for dinner in an hour? No panic. Let me see what's in the fridge.
She often shops without a list and she rarely has to throw away food. And as for recipes? It's almost all intuition driven.
Far beyond feeding yourself, these are the three ways most of your life can flow. Driven by
Pretty much anyone can have a system for anything (food, clothing, bills, work dates, etc.)... there is rarely an excuse for chaos.
Systems are easy to learn -- and easy to teach (although, that doesn't mean that they are easy to do!).
But intuition, it takes an internal understanding of the system. Some people seem to be born with a knack for understanding a specific system... but most people have developed it over years of mistakes.
Relationships are glued together by shared experience. And, while, chit chat over brunch counts... creating something together counts so much more.
Creation, by its very nature, causes us to play with vulnerability. And vulnerability is gasoline on the fire of a relationship.
When we're at our edge, we see parts of ourselves and others that normally hide just underneath the surface: the competitive spirit, the empathy, the intellectual processing power, the emotional breakdowns, the creativity. In other words, the real, good, juicy stuff.
This is why some relationships can become real so fast -- and often withstand the test of time -- they may be short, but they are full of the juicy stuff.
Here are a few ideas to spark this kind of bondig:
What does it mean to dress with style? According to Hillary Rushford, it's all about dressing in a way that is "worthy of remarking upon."
I love that. And I try to.
But the thing is -- when you're figuring it all out -- dressing worthy of remark is scary. Not all remarks are positive. Not everyone is going to be on your side.
And, once people acclimate to your new style, what will be worthy of remark will still make you anxious. After all, what is worthy of remark is something that is just beyond their comfort zone (and, in turn, probably yours!).
Even once you develop fantastic style, you can't always tell if it will be a hit... or a big fat miss. (See all fashion shows, ever.)
In fact, trying to guess what will work can totally stifle you. It's the burden of the expectation of your style and the fear of falling from a greater height.
The solution: Lighten up and explore your edge.
And, yes, this applies to way more than dressing yourself. It applies to any and all acts of creativity.
Some people like to chase. They go the fastest when they look at others, further ahead of them, taunting them to go a little faster, a little further. Other like to be chased. They go the fastest when they are out in front, motivated to gain distance and win by an ever increasing margin.
Neither is better, but knowing which one you are is worth it's weight in gold.
Just don't forget that those that you love and work with might not feel the same way.
For most of my life, relaxation and rest have been synonymous. When it was time for me to relax, I'd engage in a restful activity -- Netflix, mindless internet-ing, fun reading, taking a bath, etc.
Lately though, I've come to think as relaxation as a return to my life's equilibrium after the normal trials and tribulations of life.
Seems small, but it has big consequences.
Rather than resting, relaxation means doing an activity that brings me closer to the normative state I desire in my life.
And I don't desire a life of rest.
Rather a life of excitement! And coziness. And adventure. And ease. And love. And fun. And beauty. And simplicity. And, and, and.
So now, when I want to relax, I find a way to move towards one of those states of being.
This has meant a lot less internet.... and a lot more candles, walks and dinner parties.
It feels like, in this last week, several things have simply come to a head. I've been feeling some low level anxiety around what I'm doing with my life?!?! To the tune of... maybe I should move to a beach in Thailand and spend a few months "figuring it out"?
I'm so grateful when that phrase comes up for me -- "figure it out" -- because it is flashing neon sign that it's time to disengage my lizard brain and feel into my anxiety.
After all, we never get it "all figured out" and we never have the type of certainty or security that our lizard brain desires. Have a week in savings? You'll think, if only I could have a month. Have a month, you want a year... have money for life, you'll worry a tiger might eat you.
"Figuring it out" is not the real goal.
And while, I wish I could have gone from the point of low grade panic straight into the perfect lotus position where I was gifted an epiphany that... "figured it all out" for me -- that's not how life works.
Rather, over the last week or so, 3 things rang wildly, deeply true for me:
While coo-ing, and telling her how much I love her, I was also justifying to myself that I didn't have to go to the park that day. After all, it was gross out. And I was petting her. And she's not destructive, so nothing bad happens if we skip the park. Not to mention, I love her sooo much!
Suddenly, I caught myself -- we hadn't been to the park in FOUR days!So, what does it MEAN to love the dog?
Kibble, words, and affection, absolutely. But isn't it also about translating my love into currency SHE values? Shouldn't it also be about helping HER create her best life?
While I'm not quitting life and becoming a park hobo (that might Kaiya's dream life)... I decided if I'm going to keep cooing and telling her I love her, its time for me to step up and own that.
I doled out some tough love... from myself, for myself.
I like the word devotion because it takes the fear out of consistency.
Ugh. Consistent. Stable. Predictable. I'm squirming in my seat at the mere thought of it. I rebel against it's conformity.
But devotion -- an unrelenting and uncompromising dedication to love? Now that's something this girl can get behind.
Blew my mind.
It's funny. I've always thought about blogs as a mean to an end. Not really on purpose, but rather that all of the goals I had previously imagined for my blogs had been external.
Heidi turned this on it's head and that is a huge lesson -- and a huge inspiration for me.
And with all of this swirling in my mind, I know that it is time to step up to my love of ideas & problem solving & strategy and rekindle my devotion in the form of a practice. For myself, by myself and unattached from external goals. Anything that happens will be gravy.
I hope you join in and enjoy the ride. But if not, that's cool too.
Cheers & Devotion, Rebecca
Closely related to the skill of self-management, energy management is the foundation on which we build our lives. Its extremely challenging to build a great life on a shoddy foundation. I think of energy curation comes in four flavors:
A breakdown in any of these categories can kill productivity and even happiness.
I've been struggling with energy for a few years now, its been low and I've struggled to replenish even the small amount that I had.
I tried something new this weekend and its like I turned a on a light switch. I went from lethargic even after 8-12 hours of sleep... to waking up before the alarm, excited to get out of bed. If it holds up, I'll share more about my experiences soon.
This drastic shift really helped to open my eyes about the importance of protecting and fighting for my life's foundation. If you haven't been feeling at your best, I highly recommend you do too.
To note -- if you're also feeling low energy, this article from Josh Kaufman might be useful for you. It's not the solution that I came to, but it certainly gave me some motivation to fight.
So this last weekend, I sat down with my goals - and my to do lists - and realized that I really, really needed to prioritize. We aren't even a month into 2014 and I have already been feeling overwhelmed and like there is SO MUCH WORK to be done. Ya feel me?
It can be really hard to determine what is the best thing to do when there are so so many great options. Which is why today, I'm sharing my tip top decision making formula with you.
It's three simple questions that will help you decide: Should I do it, save it for later or just say no?
And it works like a charm. In fact, it will work for you right now. Imagine the clarity & conviction you'll feel once you nail your priorities down. (Trust me, I felt soooo much better!)
Now it's your turn to share with me! How do you decide what to focus on in your business? Or when you need to say no to an opportunity, even if its something you'd like to do?
I'd love to hear from you.
Talk soon! Rebecca
This weekend marks a big celebration for me! It's my birthday. I always give myself a total freebie on reflecting & goal setting around the new year and instead, use my birthday as my time to step back and take a look at where I've been, where my life is heading and exactly what I want to do to course correct.
In other words, on top of celebrating with friends and a special bottle of bubbly I've been saving, I've got a hot date with a notebook, a pot of tea and some slippers this weekend.
Yum.
And it was on this weekend only two years ago that I had a sad - yet true - epiphany -- that I had been making $3.50 an hour in one part of my business. OUCH. That made my high school lifeguarding job look like FANTASTIC money.
Well, this video is the story of that realization and exactly what I did to transform this sad story into a major success. Not to mention, a really easy formula that will prevent you from any of this heart ache.
So go ahead, learn from my mistake and save yourself a lot of time, energy and struggle!
Now it's your turn to share with me! (Pretty please?)
What's best for you in your business right now? Where do you see yourself this time next year? I'd love to hear all about it.
Talk soon! Rebecca