I tend to get caught up in the loftiest of goals.

I will make a million dollars (when the starting point is $0). I will be written about in history books! I will wake up at 5 am EVERY DAY!

I always want to do the most, be the most, reach the highest.

And, in some ways, these goals are invigorating! I'm all about big wins. I'm all about great stories (and ambitious achievements make great stories!).

But, the flip side of invigorating, lofty goals can be de-motivating.

Sometimes, I can feel them slipping away. The moment it feels like I'm not going to make it, hangs on me as a failure. And rather than revel in the joy of making it part way, often successful on its right, I find myself disappointed and down about the fact that I didn't hit the goal.

That's crazy.

So I've started stratifying my goals into good/better/best.

Good is what I think I can accomplish, grounded in reality. It feels safe and good. Like a cozy blanket.

Great is that near edge, where I'll need some elbow grease and some luck. It feels exciting and a little bit uncertain. Like a good first date.

Best is the goal from above. It's the pinch-me-is-this-really-happening?!?! outcome. It feels enthralling and euphoric. Tantalizing.

And the coolest thing about this is this is that I can use the motivation from each of these levels when it works best:

1. I get the energy and euphoria from dreaming about the best.
2. I get the safety and comfort from thinking about good.
3. I get the strategy and focus from thinking about great.

And that leads to good cheer and good outcomes.

I have been thinking a lot about pride and it's relationship to satisfaction and happiness. Pride gets a really bad rap. I think that people have it all wrong.

Pride connotes a sense of greatness, as well as worthiness of that greatness.

No wonder it is a key driver of long term satisfaction and happiness. What's better than deeply believing that you are great AND worthy of that greatness?

What Pride is lacks, is the need for external validation.

Arrogance which also imply greatness apply it ONLY within the context of others and the external scale of their greatness.

Humility implies a degree of inferiority or insignificance, again, ONLY within the context of others and the external scale of greatness.

We can all feel arrogant playing a game of kickball with 5 year olds. We can all feel humble compared to the universe (or Einstein, Picasso, etc.)

It's almost impossible to feel pride in comparison with either of these metrics because that's not where pride comes from. Pride comes from an internal measure of your own greatness. You don't feel great about winning kickball with 5 year olds... and you don't have to be smarter than Einstein to feel pride in your accomplishments.

Arrogance is 'I am better than you' Humility is 'You might be (are) better than me' Pride is 'I am worthy of myself'

Today I got a TON done. More than would have seemed possible in a work day. Yet it was spacious and punctuated by breaks. It felt good, albeit plagued by resistance. It was hard. It required problem solving and creative thinking and do-overs.

And that traction came from focus. I wasn't on email. I wasn't available. I buckled down and got it done.

Focus can do that.

Today also  marks a month of near daily posts! (And I almost forgot to write, the irony!)

This experiment has also felt spacious and graceful. It's been punctuated by forgetfulness and intense inspiration. Shockingly, there has been little resistance at all.

And this traction - all these tiny ideas that I've released from my brain - came from the willingness to take one step at a time. And the willingness to falter without quitting.

One (baby) step at a time can do it too.

One of the best indicators of long term satisfaction is pride. Want to know if your relationship is a good one? Think to yourself about introducing your significant other to the people you value most in the world (your friends, relatives, mentors, heroes -- even if the introduction isn't practical). What are you saying? Are you making excuses... or are you beaming with pride?

Another way to ask the question -- can you walk into any room and introduce your mate to anyone and burst with pride?

While an excellent litmus test for relationships, it also works with yourself.

Finding out if you are proud of yourself, and can introduce yourself with pride in any situation is an excellent gauge of your satisfaction (and happiness). Struggling with being proud of oneself is a clear indicator that something needs to shift in your life.

The most interesting thing for me is that pride doesn't stem from the usual sources of "happiness advice" -- its doesn't stem from treats or sensory experiences or having the 'right' job. Pride stems from work, from pushing yourself beyond what you thought was possible and from the joy that comes with growth.

Talk about juxtaposed pathways to happiness!

The most effective companies deliver a feeling.

• Coke delivers happiness.
• Starbucks delivers a shot of indulgence.
• TJ Maxx delivers the thrill of deal seeking.
• Harley Davidson delivers the offbeat cool.

All the best brands deliver on this promise -- and the best people do too.

What are you delivering? Is that different from what you wish you were delivering?

One of the most effective tools for keeping yourself happy, productive and level headed is super simple. Deceivingly simple. Check to make sure you are taking care of your animal needs.

Are you hungry? Thirsty? Are you too cold? Too hot? Are you tired? Or in need of movement? Are you mentally stimulated enough? Does something on your body hurt?

What you'll note is these are the same questions we would ask ourselves about our dog or a toddler.

And these issues right here are responsible for a HUGE portion of meltdowns -- of the canine, child and adult variety. The difference is that we adults tend to rationalize our issues away with deeper, more complicated roots.

When you're feeling off -- and heck, before you're feeling off -- check in with yourself on your animal needs.

Hitting a goal can be marvelous. It's often coupled with a sense of euphoria and delight. I know I revel in it.

But, just a little while after, something shifts and it gets kind of uncomfortable. At the time, it feels so wrong, after all, you're mostly euphoric.

And it all comes down to this:

When you set a goal, you imagine a perfect version of yourself achieving it... Yet the person who achieves it -- you -- is all too human (and, indeed, flawed).

It's not a problem with you or your goal -- its a problem with your imagination.

Its funny. As much as I love the inflexibility of doing something everyday... it makes it much easier for me to do... it also makes it much harder for me to get up after a slip. After all, I failed.

But I add the word nearly and - magic! - I haven't failed, but I sure had better do it this time... because if I don't, then I will fail.

Nearly offers the breathing room that allows tiny, infrequent missteps to be, just that, missteps, rather than failures that doom the whole endeavor.

Yesterday I was thinking about how to launch a new project that I have been working on. My brain immediately went to... well, I should wait until 2015. It can be a new project with a new year!

WHY?!?!

I am so attracted to arbitrary beginnings -- the new year, my birthday, heck, even Mondays. The trouble is that these dates discount the present -- and the fact that I can make progress NOW.

Worse, it can encourage cheating today, since I'll be starting a fresh new beginning soon. (For me, I see that behavior the worst around food).

Not this time. This time, I'm using my own, equally arbitrary beginning.

With limited resources comes choices. You have $1,500 to spend on yoga this year, do you go to the amazing and life changing week long retreat... OR do you get an unlimited yoga pass and go everyday?

You have 3 weeks of vacation, do you take 3-day weekends all summer... or blow it all in a 2 week fun fest?

Do you optimize your life around building the highest quality normal day... or around intensifying you peak experiences?

I have a big list of ideas for blog posts. Honestly, I rarely use it, although I have written about several things on my list (like creativity worthy of remark, types of motivation and comfort vs surprise).

There are two reasons why I have it. One is about today. One is about tomorrow.

Today, I want to feel like the energy, excitement and ideas that I imagine have a purpose. I want to feel like I am taking steps in the right direction and that I am getting traction.

Tomorrow, or more accurately, on the day that I have no energy, motivation or great ideas, I want to set myself up for success. I want to know that, even on a bad day... or a tough week, I have done the upfront work that will enable me to overcome and endure. Preferably with a smile.

Lists of ideas do both.

They capture today, inspire tomorrow and enable success when the going gets tough.

I also have a big list of ideas for work, for fun & treats, for learning and for growth.

Our culture chases happiness. We place a high value on the burst of chemicals in our brain that say "Yay! Happiness!"

We also place a high value on the things that we think will boost happiness. I got a pony (a raise, a haircut, a motorcycle)! Yay! Happiness.

But happiness is fleeting. Euphoria, even more so.

Satisfaction, happiness's much less sexy cousin, is the one staying power.

But the pursuit of satisfaction often flies directly in the face of happiness.

Long term satisfaction thrives under conditions that do not support moment-to-moment happiness. It requires a lot of yourself, including swimming against the current (laziness, momentary happiness, society at large) when it is in your best interest.

It requires change, discomfort and effort: all happiness no no's.

The highest form of satisfaction looks back on growth, reflecting on how far you've come... and what you were able to accomplish that never would have been possible with your earlier self.

Satisfaction stems from pride & respect for your actions, your goals and yourself.

If you're seeking long-term satisfaction, those are the things you should be optimizing.

I am a huge fan of the 80/20 rule. I believe that by ruthlessly focusing on the 20%, you can see sweeping improvements with minimal invasiveness. Note, I didn't say minimal effort.

You see, changing the 20% often requires a LOT of effort -- but it's effort applied with precision.

Change the 20% of meals that you eat 80% of the time... and you don't have to fuss or think so much about your occasional meal out.

Change the 20% of your work that really matters, you'll reap disproportionate rewards (hint - responding to emails and attending meetings are NOT that 20%).

Change your go-to stress reliever, the one you use most of the time, you can completely transform your health.

Identify your lowest hanging fruit 20% and the 20% with the biggest potential to impact your life in a positive way.

Those 2 changes alone will transform your life.

My friend Ryan recently wrote out his 10 point creed for life -- inspired by his desire to share his values with his young daughter. My favorite of his 10 was the first, which includes the tenant to "Always bet on yourself."

This is a goal that I strive to live up to... but often feel that I fall short of. It's not that I don't bet on myself -- I do -- but, rather that I find it difficult to measure if I am being aggressive enough in my betting.

I always seem to wonder -- what if I REALLY bet on myself? What if I went all in? Sink or swim?

I'm not sure that is my actual goal... but given the discord, I thought deeply about what I think it means to bet on yourself.

1. I trust myself above others. This is not a way for me to reject reality or rationality, but rather that, after reflecting on a challenge with an open mind, I make decisions based on my understanding and my reasoning -- not anyone else's.
2. I expand my comfort zone. I have trust in myself, even when I don't know the answers in advance or when I'm outside of my comfort zone. By consistently betting on myself, I'm committed to expanding my comfort zone, for life.
3. I step up. I take action and bring my whole self to the table, playing to the best of my ability, given the circumstances. I don't fail due to fear or lack of commitment.
4. I trust others. Winning usually requires other people. I trust that if I show up and do the work, others will recognize it. I live by my Success Formula. I trust that with both quality & quantity, I will win people over.
5. I am okay with losing. I know that there are things outside of my control. I know that betting inherently includes some losing. I do my best not to take it personally. I do my best to avoid it. AND I don't allow potential failure to stop me from betting on myself.

It always makes me chuckle when people talk about status as if it is a singular category or item. Status is a value signal to the group of people you desire to belong to and what you value.

It doesn't have to mean money. In fact, status can come from things that cost LESS money -- like the status of packing your child's lunch for school.

• I care about the latest fasion (just like you) so I carry a LV purse
• I value crafts made with love (just like you), so I knit my own scarves
• I value quality tools (just like you) so my chain saw is construction grade
• I love the outdoors (just like you) so I wear Arcterx
• I value making money (just like you), so I drive a BMW

The funny thing about status is that, no matter what group you belong to -- the ones who spend, save or thrift --  it sparks emotions from confusion to disdain from the outside while it sparks admiration, pride or jealousy from the inside.

And it's that emotional reaction of categorizing that is the whole point of status: I elevate myself relative to you, based on my values.

As someone who is exceedingly flexible about just about everything, people are often shocked by the number of commitments that I have for myself  (nearly) everyday. For me, doing something (nearly) everyday is so much easier than doing something on specific days.

For me I think that it comes down to three things:

1. If I do it everyday, I waste no time rationalizing if today is the day. (I'm supposed to go to the gym today... but, I could just do it tomorrow.)
2. If I do it everyday, I am far more likely to remember. After all, it comes up every 24 hours. Everyday. I often forget specific days, unless there is a very clear cue.
3. If I do it everyday, I lower the barrier. Nothing will be miraculously good everyday. Not even Seth Godin (as amazingly good as he is). This helps me move forward, even when it's not "perfect".

But, as you'll note, I'm very careful to say NEARLY everyday. Otherwise, one missed day could derail all of the success in my mind. And one missed day is never, ever worth that.

Nearly gives me that bit of breathing room and the gumption to jump back up after a little stumble.

---

To read more about this topic, check out my dear friend Nicky's post on 7 Reasons that He Does it Everyday and Gretchen Rubin's split of personalities into moderators and abstainers. Doing it everyday is the epitome of an abstainer... in reverse. :)

Which motivates you? I should go to the gym. I want to go to the gym.

It FEELS like there should be a "right" answer. In fact, it "feels" like want to is the right answer. But it isn't... and, more so, there isn't a right answer at all.

There's only a right answer for you. And it will vary from situation to situation.

The trick is not to get your wires crossed -- be clear with yourself about when to motivate with a want... and when with a should. Don't let them flip.

I won't wait until I want to do my taxes (it will never happen). I do them because I should.

For writing projects -- for me -- when they turn into shoulds, no matter how much I love them, I know I'm in trouble. Writing is a want for me.

What are your wants? Your shoulds? Is there a shortcut to see which is which?

And, yes, you can turn almost any should into a want (I do my taxes because I want to avoid penalties) -- but the question is which motivates you -- which provokes action? And, for me, the want of avoiding penalties... well, that's not really why I do my taxes. I do them because I should.

I used to barely be able to feed myself. If I bought food, much of it would be thrown away, so I rarely shopped and knew almost no basic recipes... I ate almost every meal out.

Now, I have a weekly meal calendar that I plan out in advance and make a grocery list off of. We tend to make something in a big, huge batch (like shredded chicken) and then improvise off of that core all week -- enchiladas, stuffed peppers, SW Salad, etc. Most things require recipes.

We rarely improvise and never, ever shop without a detailed list.

My mother has the most amazing ability to improv wonderful meals at a moments notice. 6 people coming over for dinner in an hour? No panic. Let me see what's in the fridge.

She often shops without a list and she rarely has to throw away food. And as for recipes? It's almost all intuition driven.

Far beyond feeding yourself, these are the three ways most of your life can flow. Driven by

1. Chaos
2. System
3. Intuition

Pretty much anyone can have a system for anything (food, clothing, bills, work dates, etc.)... there is rarely an excuse for chaos.

Systems are easy to learn -- and easy to teach (although, that doesn't mean that they are easy to do!).

But intuition, it takes an internal understanding of the system. Some people seem to be born with a knack for understanding a specific system... but most people have developed it over years of mistakes.

Relationships are glued together by shared experience. And, while, chit chat over brunch counts... creating something together counts so much more.

Creation, by its very nature, causes us to play with vulnerability. And vulnerability is gasoline on the fire of a relationship.

When we're at our edge, we see parts of ourselves and others that normally hide just underneath the surface: the competitive spirit, the empathy, the intellectual processing power, the emotional breakdowns, the creativity. In other words, the real, good, juicy stuff.

This is why some relationships can become real so fast -- and often withstand the test of time -- they may be short, but they are full of the juicy stuff.

Here are a few ideas to spark this kind of bondig:

• Travel (the next town over without a plan... or Laos!)
• Learn a new sport
• Take an art class
• Lean a language
• Go for a hike in bad weather (this is more fun than it sounds!)
• Find a spot to throw pottery
• Make pasta and sauce, from scratch, together
• Grow a community garden
• Write stories & share them
• Do something Daredevil-ish (bungy jump, skydive, roller coasters)
• Commit to an exercise plan, together

When it comes to optimal experiences, there are two things you can shoot for:

1. Surprise & delight by exceeding expectations that the customer didn't even know that they had or
2.  Comfort and serenity of being completely at home and trusting that everything is perfect

Neither one is right or wrong. And, at different times, we all want both.

But one of those is much harder than the other. It's also much rarer, so if you can make it happen, it's worth your time.